A Return to Me

Read time: 2.5 minutes

I’m noticing something that’s been living inside me these past few days.

I don’t know if it’s technically “out of integrity,” but I know it’s important, because it’s about who I say I am.

One of the lines in My Document —one of the most sacred declarations of who I am— is:

I am that I slow down to the speed of Life.

And I haven’t been living that these past few days.

Ever since I came back from my trips, Life has felt fast again—backlog, messages, tasks, things to handle, things piling up. I’ve slipped back into the rhythm of doing-doing-doing. The hamster wheel.

And I feel it in my body. I feel it in my energy. I feel it in my presence.

Moments that used to be reflective—reading, journaling, sitting with myself—have felt foggy. Even in a workout class, I’m drifting off, daydreaming, zoning out, losing track of the instructions.

I’m “there,” but not there.

Not coherent. Not grounded. Not intentional.

And that, to me, is out of integrity, because integrity isn’t perfection—it’s alignment with who I say I am. And the truth is: I have not been BEING that lately.

Here’s the Beautiful Part, Though.

This isn’t a moment to make myself wrong. It’s not a moment to shame myself or judge myself for “slipping.” It’s a moment to remember I’m human.

It’s part of the messiness—The Latte Distinction. It’s part of showing up imperfectly, and still showing up.

I’ve been holding myself to such a high standard that I sometimes forget I’m allowed to BE… messy. Soft. Off. Human.

And one of the judgments that’s crept back in—the one I’ve been forgiving myself for—is the old belief that my worth equals my productivity.

That if I’m not producing, I’m failing. That if I’m not doing, I’m behind. That if I’m not accomplishing, I’m not enough.

But the truth I’ve declared for myself is:

I am that my best is sacred.

And truthfully... I am doing my best with the time, energy, tools, and resources I have right now.

My best is not a quantity. It’s a state of BEING.

The Trap of Goals.

I’ve also noticed myself gripping too tightly to my goals.

Thinking about how I’m going to achieve them, strategizing constantly, repeating scenarios in my head. And instead of serving me, the goals started feeling like a cage.

That was the whole reason I resisted goals in the past—because they used to pressure me, box me in, and make me forget the flow of Life.

When goals stop serving me, it’s time to loosen the grip.

Goals are tools—nothing more. Not measurements of worth. Not proof of anything. Just tools.

So from here on out... I’m committing to use them with lightness, not tension.

Returning to Integrity With Myself.

So here’s what I’m recommitting to:

• Slowing down to the speed of life.

• Being the one who knows his best is sacred, no matter what.

• Using goals as tools, not rules.

• Letting God lead me by creating the conditions to flow.

• Allowing myself to be human, messy, and imperfect—without collapsing.

This isn’t a setback. It’s a recalibration.

It’s me remembering that I am right where I belong, receiving exactly what I need to grow into the next version of myself.

How glorious is that!!

~

Thanks for Being here.

Much Love,

Julian