Being Here Before It's Gone

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I’ve been noticing something that feels a little uncomfortable to admit.

There have been a lot of things happening recently that I’ve been sooooo excited about.

Experiences I’ve looked forward to. Projects I’ve been deeply invested in. Moments with people I care deeply about.

Things that, months ago, I couldn’t wait to arrive.

And yet, I’ve caught myself doing something strange.

The moment I arrive, part of me starts leaving. As in I’ll be heading into an experience and already thinking about what comes after it. Like being in the middle of something meaningful and already thinking about what’s next. Or looking forward to something for weeks or months, and then when it finally gets here, my attention starts drifting toward the future before I’ve fully arrived in the present.

It’s subtle.

And yet at the same time - once I saw it, I couldn’t unsee it.

It’s almost as if my mind wants to skip ahead. To move to the next chapter before I’ve finished reading the current one.

And what’s interesting is that I believe this may be coming from my mind wanting and liking certainty..

I mean, who doesn’t? It’s nice to know and predict what’s coming next, having a plan, and feeling ahead of things.

But…. now the question has started to become… at what cost?

Because if I’m already thinking about what happens after this moment, then I’m not fully here for this one, right?

If I’m already planning my exit, then some part of me never truly entered.

And lately I’ve been wondering how much of life gets missed this way.

How many conversations.
How many moments.
How many surprises.
How much gold.

Not because it wasn’t there. But because I was already somewhere else.

Thinking about the next thing.

It’s kinda ironic isn’t it?

We spend so much of our lives waiting for things to arrive.

And then they do.

And instead of experiencing them, we start thinking about what comes next.

As if life were something to get through rather than something to be with.

I don’t really have a conclusion for this.

I’m not writing this because I’ve solved it. I’m writing it because I’ve noticed it.

And because noticing feels important.

Maybe that’s the practice for me right now.

To stop leaving before I’ve arrived.
To let the experience be the experience.
To let the conversation be the conversation.
To let the day be the day.

Without rushing toward whatever comes after.

Because perhaps the point was never to get to the end. Perhaps the point was to be here for the part we’re currently living.

And I have a feeling there’s a lot more gold available when I do.

~

With loving-

Julian